Why am I doing this again?

The feeling of being alone isn't great at all. Not a single bit. The bus ride to camp was cold. And lonely. Only the presence of my Zen Stone comforted me a little. Throughout the ride, I was looking out of the window. I enjoyed the bus trip nonetheless because of the coldness and lonliness. It's when I shut the whole world up and keep my thoughts to myself.

Loads happened. I still have not get over the incident two weeks ago. Actually I am kind of restricting myself, in case I do harm to someone again. There was a repeat of the incident actually. So I was like thinking "Why am I doing this again?!" when I was talking to Sam. I am very disappointed in myself. For the first time in ages, I ran. The wind blow against my face. The tasted the salt of my sweat as it rolls down the front of my head. Why? Why am I doing this again?! Zishen, you are WEAK!

The rest of the week was rather routine. Again. Took leave on Friday.

How Much is Friendship Worth?

"No wonder they always don't want to tell you things!"

This line hit me hard. Really hard. As if someone just throw a extra super big rock at me. I didn't know what to say anymore. The journey back home was kind of tense for me. I just looked out of the bus window blankly, thoughts running through my mind. Am I that unreliable? If I am so, why are they still around me and faking our friendship? I realised now that I am like the lowest in the chain. I am not told of all the happenings, or the juicest gossips among us. So much for being in intelligence. Ironic.

After what happened today, I think the group won't trust me as much anymore. So. I guess I won't be hearing from them in a while. Now I understand what they meant by "Your friend today may be your enemy tomorrow. "

Let this be a test of the eight years friendship that we share ba.