When East and West just got further apart. . .

Remember in Kindergarden, how we meet a kid and know nothing about them, and ten seconds later you are playing like you are best friends. Even if we quarrel now, all will be forgotten tomorrow and we will be friends again. I want it to be like that even now.

I want my friends back. Lots of things happened these past few weeks, and I think I am just running away from them. Sergeant Alvin told me yesterday at Subway Bishan "You are the weaker kind. . . ". I think I am. So what if I am the weaker kind?! That's what i am, and no one can change it.

I met Gim Hock on Friday night at Plaza Singapura to watch movie, Money No Enough 2. When I see him that day, I almost cried, because seeing him reminds me of the tough and happy times we shared back in Dragon Company. He told me about his life as a Cadet Trainee in Nee Soon Camp, and it feels good just sitting at the food court of Plaza Singapura and listening to him talking. After dinner, we went to Carrefour to get some chips to eat during the movie before proceeding to the movies.

What i learned from the movie:

Don't be so calculative and the importance of being as a family unit. The importance of being as one.

After movies we went to take Night Riders home. The frequeny is like half an hour apart for each bus, so we had some times for ourselves while waiting. I told him about what happened in my camp, how us, the BMTC people, are being outcasted, especially so after last week's incident, and also how much i missed being with him even since we passed out of BMT. He said he felt the same too, say Dragon Company is better. As I watched him board his bus, a tear escaped my eye, because I know that i won't be seeing him any time soon. My buddy in BMT. Wasn't it yesterday that we were still together in BMT?! And i am already missing it. . .

I knew Sergeant Alvin was up to something when he asked me out for lunch. And so stupid somemore; I waited for him at Bishan Coffee Bean for like one whole hour before he comes. I feel weird with him, because he's just weird and so not-his-normal-self. I asked him what he want to eat, since he is the Sergeant. He chose Subway because he had Commanders' Cohesion the night before, the night Iwatched movie with Gim, so he wanted something healthier. I know he is up to something from the faces he gave me. I asked him straight when we both bought our lunch. Of course as expected he wanted to talk to me about what happened the previous week. So most of the time I just listened to him talk to me. And most of the time, he phrased the story in such a way that it seem like my fault most of the time. My eyes watered. He tells me ". . . Forget about your glorious days in BMTC. . . ", ". . . be flexible. . .", "You are the weaker kind. . .", "You shamed us. . .", "There is no bright side or dark side; what matters is the process. . .". But from what he said, I know one thing for sure: the commanders don't trust me that much anymore.

My heart sank.

I know, everyone is blaming me. But they started the whole thing first! Why should I be blamed for something that they have done wrong?! I think this is when East and West just got further apart. . .

Not only that, I am drifting away and away from my friends, especially Janson. We have not really contacted ever since he and Mei Xing are together. So be it. If he wants it to be this way, if he thinks that I am not important anymore, then let it be this way then.

HOW COME THINGS JUST CANT GO RIGHT?!!

FEELS LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD HAS TURN ITS BACK ON ME!

CANT THINGS GO RIGHT FOR A WHILE??!!

[sad][extremely depressed][lost][angry]