I want to be Better

I don't know. But I'm feeling kind of down right now. Is it because of what just happened?

But. Nothing happened? So why am I feeling sad?

I just saw my ex-PC wrote on my Facebook wall.

"... My MG Assistant."

I don't know. But a tear escaped my eye.

I wished that I was better. I really do.

Sometimes I feel like what-a-loser-I-am.

I wished that I was stronger. I really do.

My upper study kept telling me, and telling everyone in fact, that I am a very happy person, cos I keep smiling and joking around and have that kind of happy-go-lucky mood every time.

But. Below those wide smiles, happy faces, and funny jokes, I see another person. A person who struggles with his emo-ism. A person who is a waste of sperm. A person who is weak. A nobody. A disgrace. A loser.

I want to be better. Why can't I like be others?! Why am I so weak???!!

Everybody's special, they say.

Yeah. I'm special too. Cos I'm the freaking loser! Yeah. That's what makes me special. Can't things just go right for a while???!!

[simply loser zishen]