emoism

veri emo this 2 days. dunno how is started too. lolx. yah. have been thinking. thinking abt her. thinking abt the time we have spent tgt. i missed her. alot alot. when i see smth pretty, i wish i can buy for her. when she is beside me, i am happy. when she is not beside me, i missed her. i dunno. i just luv her. simply luv her. to me, she's my everything. i wanna tell her. but smth hold me back. u r risking your friendship with her, i told myself. and i cant bear it. i cant think of my life without her anymore. she had a so big impact on my life ever since i know her. ever since i luv her. i know. many guys are after her. so to her, i maybe juz a waste-of-sperms. she was so near, yet so far. that day i stood beside her, how i long that she was mine. i had love her secretly for quite a while now. my friends say she knows tt; it's like extra-super obvious. but she is still talking to me. she is still hanging out with me. so i doubt she knows. or does she?

the question is burning in me: does she like me too? i dont expect her to like me. i mean c'mon, i'm super fat! who would like a fat guy?! all i hope for is for her to be by my side. and to love her secretly. nic say if i like her, then i shldnt be like wanting her to accept me like the way i like her; i shld be like hoping for her happiness.

but i guess i'm not that wei da after all. i enjoyed the time we spent tgt, even if it's just standing on the MRT or just sitting around doing nth much. but i guess its not going to happen for quite a while now. i'm going army in like 3 more donkey days. janson was like saying: tell her before you enlist. that's what trouble me. by the time i come out from army she will have a boy friend le. haaaaiiii. peishan told me to have confidence in myself. i just cant find it in me.

i'm lost. . . and emo.

but am still loving her secretly. . .