对不起。
我故意疏远了你，不是因为我不喜欢你了，而是因为我了解我们在一起的未来很灰朦。
不过，我敢承认的是我曾经有喜欢过你。
我也敢承认的是我曾经为了你哭过。
当初我喜欢你，可能是因为我欣赏你的好玩，你的随和。但是如今，我当初喜欢你的原因，却变成了我想分开你的理由。你的过于好玩与随和已经到了我无法去接受的地步了。
我也知道很多人很看好我们。也有风声说你对我慢慢的有了好感。我在那一瞬间感到很开心。但，直系的想了想，我们的差异实在太多太多了。
我会很想念，很想念我们在一起快乐的时候。十几二十年后，我会回头看一看，可能那时候的我会后悔没有选择你，也可能我已经在过着无忧无虑的生活。但，我敢跟你保证的事，我会一直记住你的好，和我们在一起的时候得日子。
我会亲自去找你，做一个我们都开心地总结的。
3!
2!
1!
Happy New Year!
And there goes the fireworks at the open field in front of Khatib Station. Cheers, and words of well-wishes for the new year drowned the usual quietness of this hours. I watched the display in silence, recollecting my 2010, while my besties were taking photographs.
2010 just passed. Like that.
8 months plus at CPF Board, and the rest in NTU.
A very big Thank You to my colleagues at Recovery Department of CPF Board. Thank you for everything that you all have done for me and taught me. Nordin, Wenhui, Mckenzie, Boon Ying and Mr Lee from Area E, thank you. I have enjoyed working with you all very much, and I have learnt loads from you all. All the bestest for the new year! Hope the number of default cases will be lesser! You all will be dearly missed and remembered by me, always.
To Zwicky schoolmates, Jessalynn, Kenneth, Lea, Hong Guang, Alicia, Jiemin, Jessie, Wei Xiang, Ivan. Thank you for making boring lectures and tutorials much much much more enjoyable. To the rest of the Zwickies, all the best for the coming new year!
To Nevaeh, you guys rawks! Totally AWESOME! All the very very best for this year, and all the future sems to come.
To Disney, Block 18, Unisus, UniQkidZ, and the other Hall 1 folks, I have had a great semester living, working, training, playing, and htht-ing with you all! Thank you for adding more colours to my life. Let’s make 2011 a much much better year!
To besties, Dennis, Joanne, Xin Ying, Jin Long, Sheraine, Rui Xiang, Raymond, Jonathan, Yong Peng, thank you for spending the first 20 mins of 2011 with me! XD 2011 will be the bestest year for all of us! Huat aaaahhhh~
蜂涌般的人群之中
头顶上璀璨的光芒
我们高高的举起双手呐喊‘新年快乐’！XD
And to all the rest of the folks not mention above, a very happy 2011 to you!
当你知道你不知不觉的喜欢上对你不应该喜欢上的人有好感的时候，问题就大了
我觉得还不算得上是喜欢，因为虽然有想念她，但还没有想念到死去活来的地步。
就很想念她，想念那个比亲人更亲厚的她。
但是却是一双不能握的手。
这是一个没有太阳灰朦的早晨。
考试完了的心情，就有如窗外没有太阳的早晨一样空虚，好像少了一点什么的样子。
想借这个机会跟一个很好很好的朋友说：回头草每次都是比较好吃的。你也不需要因为他的莫些小动作把自己给搞乱， 搞糊涂了。可能这些动作让你在那一瞬间感到很幸福，也可能他的这一些举止是想对你有所表达，但是这一些总要吗？
我知道我自己的爱情生活很不丰富，也许我命中注定在情海中颠簸。我觉得爱情就是当你们在一起的时候，彼此相爱着对方，那就是幸福了。
我想说的是，虽然你们俩都继续过着自己的生活，幸福的是你们曾经在一起过，也轰轰烈烈的爱过彼此，我觉得这样已经足够了。
重要的是，那一段美好的记忆，你们是都不能够忘记的...
我也想象你一样，可以轰轰烈烈的爱一场。可是我承认我有一个‘很难爱’的样子。
就让我继续傻傻的做我自己吧。 :)
I remember.
I remember a time when there was no math question that I cannot solve.
I remember a time when I am not defeated by even the most challenging math question.
I remember a time when I got first in college for my mid-year.
And now, I remember that all those were a thing of the past.
Now, going through my Calculus notes is like going through an Oxford Dictionary, where many things are nothing but strangers to me. I thought I know them, but when I went into doing problems about them, I came back referring to the notes.
I thought I knew.
The clock is ticking; Tuesday is coming.
I think what I need now is a morale booster, like back in college. I recall my second year one, when I got back my first math class test results, I failed. I got only 4 upon 15 when everybody in class passed. Even the other repeat students. Even the pure year ones. I am the only one that failed. And that is what struck me to work harder, and harder, and by mid-year, I was top. I surprised myself too.
How I wish miracles like this happen to me again.
Now, I cannot even hold my writing material with confidence. Back in college, Mr Francis Tan said this before “Always do your tutorial in pen, class. Don’t do in pencil. That way, it will help improve confidence in you, and also I can see how confidence are you in doing your work.” Now, I not even confident in using the pencil. My hands are reluctant to start writing. I have lost my confidence.
Mrs Kwang has always praised me for having good concepts. But now, I have lost that too.
There was so much in me last time that I cannot find now.
I have lost my… … much-ness.
Nine more days to Christmas.
I have had a hell of a week, with examinations one after another every day.
One more paper to go.
And already I feel like how I felt like after my A levels.
I did not ask her out for Christmas…
… yet.
I need an escape from the world. I want to shut my window on the world.
I remember a line from the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall: If life give you lemons, just say fuck the lemons.
I wish life was that easy.
I want to laze around some more. God will you give me a day or two to do that, so that I would be feeling guilty when I do?
I have disappeared since morning, hiding myself away from the world. Right now, I feel cold. I have accomplished quite some stuffs in the morning, like finish revising for a topic, and redo a tutorial without referring to the solution set. But what is the reason that I still feel lousy? Maybe because I have not adjust back to the study mode, after two years of wearing the green helmet and another eight months plus of calling stupid employers.
I miss my god-life self three years, doing every maths question with no pain and so much ease. And my favourite line “A waste of my talents.” Also another reason why I feel lousy, because of my attachment to previous condition of living.
It’s really cold here.
